My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i've created a new STD.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
