Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
