I just pynch a tree in the face
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
