don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
