im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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