She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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