My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize