I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
