You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
