I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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