Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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