you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
