Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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