Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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