Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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