So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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