why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
