Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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