a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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