Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
