found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
