i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
