Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
smell my finger.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
