You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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