So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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