he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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