so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
