I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
