well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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