guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
