38 yer olds are good kisserssss
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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