Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
