i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
