i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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