I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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