apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
