Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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