The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
