I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
