I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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