so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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