Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
