Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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