I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
