I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
