They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
