There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
