is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
