Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
