Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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