After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
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