dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
