The maid of honor just puked.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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