And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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