I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
