I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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