I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
