why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
