just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
