I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
