Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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