just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
