I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
