bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
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Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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