I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
