your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
