How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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