Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize