the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
