at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
