It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
