So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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