Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
