You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
