And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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