Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
