I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
