i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This house was built for laser tag.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
