"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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