ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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