..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
