whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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